Motivation | Why it’s okay to not give a ‘flying duck’ (insert expletive)

Some people just LOVE drama.  You know what I mean?  It’s like they live for it.  They try to control so much of their life, that they even attempt to control the chaos around them.  They create the drama, because they want to have something to blame.  A reason for why their life isn’t going the way that they hoped it would go, and they want to bring you down with them.

I tend to think of it as organized chaos.  It’s like adding gasoline to a fire in measured amounts.  The fire is going to ensue, but they’re the ones in control of where and how big the fire will burn.  Then they just sit back and watch crying, “Woe is me!” but they don’t do anything about it.  Sometimes, maybe they’re not even the cause of the fire, but they certainly don’t do anything to help.

Why do people do this?  Why?  Why? Why?  I just don’t get it.  I don’t care to get it, to be quite honest.  It’s ridiculous to some extent how much effort people put into making a big deal or making a situation more difficult than it has to be.

I know you know someone like this.  It’s not worth your time or energy.  These people may seem really fun and interesting for a minute, but that’s all there is, just a minute of calm in an ocean of chaos.

People do this because there’s something wrong in their lives.  There’s something that they are unhappy about and they lash out in other areas and at people in an attempt to feel some control over their lives.  Unfortunately, for those of us around them, we turn into their collateral damage.

And you know what?  In those situations it is OKAY to give zero f*#k$.  Actually, it is more than okay.  It is okay because it helps you to preserve your sanity.  Your mental health is more important than someone else’s negativity.  Don’t let other people drag you down.  You don’t have to feed into their fire.  Don’t let someone’s emotions consume you or take yours over.  It’s just not worth it, and not giving a f*#k is completely okay.

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Motivation | Why it’s okay to take some time for yourself

It has definitely been quite a while since I’ve posted.  Mainly because I’ve been spending more time experiencing things and not so much documenting them.  My own fault for not being more proactive with my time.  But, I really needed it.

I needed that time alone, to reflect and gather my thoughts, and to really just take some time to work on myself.  We all really need that sometimes.  This past year my life has changed so much.  You never really realize how much change is occurring until you stop and reflect on how much time has actually passed.  Much of the change has definitely been for the better.  I definitely have gathered a lot of interesting stories and some crazy experiences, and I want to make sure to share all of that.

I really feel like I’m in a much different place.  More calm with myself and more accepting of life.  Let me tell you.  No one’s life is easy.  Everyone is drawn a different set of cards.  Some more complicated than others, but different depending on the perspective.  But that’s just how life goes.  And that’s why it’s important for you to take some time for yourself.  It’s easy to fall into a pattern and get stuck in the monotony of things.  You almost forget how to think outside the box because of routine and comfort.  Stepping outside of the norm is what helps ground you back into reality.  It helps you to look at things from a different perspective, a different mindset, maybe a different thought process.

Different is good.  Change is good because it helps you to evolve and grow as an individual.  You need that growth in order to not be stagnant and to not let the gunk of every day cloud your judgement.  You have to be of sound mind and sound thought to make a sound decision, if that makes any sense.

It’s okay to retreate to spend that time healing and working on yourself.   You don’t have to feel guilty about it.  Know that it’s completely healthy and normal, and it’s definitely more than okay.

Palace of fine arts San Francisco California

Motivation | To take a step without feet


This is love:
to fly toward a secret sky,
to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment.
First, to let go of life.
In the end, to take a step without feet

RUMI


Palace of fine arts San Francisco California

Palace of Fine Arts, San Francisco, California


What does that mean, “to take a step without feet”?  Feet provide you with stability when you walk.  They aide you with movement and provide you with support.  Without feet, you’d probably have a difficult time running, walking, or even standing up.  It doesn’t mean that it would be impossible to do, it would just be more of a challenge.

I think that the message Rumi is trying to convey is that, “taking a step without feet” is like taking a step not knowing whether you can control the outcome.  Not many people would be willing to do that.  Control is a difficult thing to let go.  What would be the incentive for you to do so?

It’s a scary thought if you think about it.  If you were to take a step without feet, you would probably fall.  But, on the the other hand, there is also a chance that you may not.  Allowing yourself to be okay with that thought is difficult.  To be okay with falling is not an instinctive trait.  Human nature drives off of survival.  It is that little voice in your head that cautions you from doing things that could potentially hurt you; physically and emotionally.

If you’ve been hurt repeatedly, your mind keeps building on that protection and your caution grows more and more.  Sometimes to the point where your mind may be cautioning you too much, and you become fearful of exploring things that may actually be good for you.

While your body is only trying to help, there comes a point where you have to consciously decide, “What are the things you can control, and what are the things you should throw caution to the wind?”  Making that distinction is the first step.  You can’t control everything in life, but you can control your approach.  It is about acknowledging and knowing that, yes, you can take a step without feet – it will be difficult, but it is not impossible.  In the end, sometimes the biggest payoffs are the ones you approach without having firm grounding.  The ones where you let go of life, and you take a step without feet.


XOXO

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Motivation | Why it’s okay to travel solo

Travel as much as you can, as far as you can, as long as you can.  Life’s not meant to be lived in one place.


Paris

Paris, France


I always romanticized travel.  I imagined one day traveling the world with that special someone.  That we would stroll through the streets of Paris, eat gelato in Italy, and experience the monuments of Rome together.  I imagined that one day I would travel the world, and that ‘one day’ it would be with that special someone.  Yet, I find myself in a point in time where that one day has not yet arrived.  So I have to ask the question, does my decision to travel and experience the world really hinge on finding that special someone?

Growing up, I was taught that travel was a luxury.  That travel was something that you got to do when you were well settled in your life.  Perhaps, this is what helped to shape my romanticized idea.  I guess I equated being married with being well settled in my life.  But yet, here I am, without that special someone and I find myself with this longing to experience the world!

So I took a leap of faith.  I mean, what was I really waiting for?  I decided that I let too much of my life pass without experiencing the moments.  I came upon a crux.  Perhaps a quarter life crisis?  I like to think of it more as wise thought.  I took a friend up on an offer to take a trip to Thailand.  Maybe it was a crazy whim, but if I was going to go out of my comfort zone, I was going to go big.  I knew that by taking that trip to Thailand, life was about to happen.  A second thought didn’t even cross my mind.

Don’t think twice about travel.  Make that commitment to take a trip.  Perhaps you are a little hesitant to go outside of your comfort zone.  Or perhaps you feel like me, where you want to share that experience with that special someone.  But just because you experience the world on your own, doesn’t mean you can’t make different memories with that someone later on.  Whatever it may be, take my advice and travel as much as you can, as far as you can.  Make memories.  Indulge in different cultures.  Experience the moments. Don’t let a longing desire eat you up inside.  You don’t know what is out there until you experience it for yourself.

Travel the world while you are able.  Live and be free.  Let life happen.


XOXO

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Motivation | Outgrowing friendships: It’s okay

I know this is silly, but I was reminiscing on a friendship past. Someone I used to consider a best friend. How just a couple of years ago we were going out, taking roadtrips, going on vacations, and now I don’t even recognize the person she’s become.  It was one of those give give give relationships. I gave my time, my emotional support, my presence, and she took.  That’s why I feel silly to be missing her friendship now. She would only really reach out when she had a problem, when she needed someone to talk to or hang out with. Like when she wanted to watch a movie but didn’t want to go alone or when she was having another one of her never ending problems with her crazy boyfriend and needed someone to talk to, I was just a phone call away.  Other than that, I never really heard from her.

The last straw was the weekend she cancelled on me for her on-again off-again crazy (ex)boyfriend.  Nothing new, sad to say.  She had invited me as her plus one to a mutual friend’s wedding during one of those off-again times.  I guess somewhere in-between they decided to be on-again, but she failed to tell me.  (Now looking back I realize she failed to tell me a lot of things.)  Then maybe a week before the wedding, when I brought up a dress I was looking to buy and the logistics of things, she told me her boyfriend was accompanying her in my place.  It definitely hurt to be uninvited to something, especially since these were plans made weeks in advance that I cleared my schedule for.  But what hurt the most was that she never told me until I brought it up to her.  As if she was thinking that as long as she avoided the situation it would just work itself out on its own.

What if I hadn’t brought anything up until the day before the event, was she not going to tell me anything until then? Was she planning to tell me in advance at all?  The message that this situation sent to me was that my time wasn’t to be valued.  That my time was not as important as hers.  If the shoe had been on the other foot, she would have thrown a fit.

I took a step back and didn’t say much to her in that moment.  I honestly couldn’t believe the person that was before me.  I realized though, that all those times I didn’t stand up for myself, I was silently saying it was okay for her to dismiss me.  After taking some time to think, I confronted her about the situation and told her how her actions made me feel.  She accused me of not being a good friend, of making her choose between our friendship and her boyfriend.  She never took accountability.

Ever since that day, I never looked at her in the same way.  I felt sorry for her for a really long period of time.  I guess I had always hoped she would change.  That she would leave the crazy boyfriend and live a happy life.  It wasn’t until I was outside of the friendship that I realized she was so negative, so critical and judgemental of everyone else, but so sensitive of anything directed at herself.

That day I exited the friendship. I realized that she didn’t want to grow with me, that we were just growing apart, and I would be okay.

I reminisced today on the good times we shared; the fun trips we did and the adventures we went on. I missed her…  I missed our friendship, or at least what I thought our friendship was.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t wish I could still call her my friend.  But then I remember why we grew apart, the reason we were no longer close. I guess we were never really that close to begin with.

It’s crazy to think how you can be so close to someone one day and then not even recognize them the next. I still see her from time to time.  She now has a new best friend.  A mutual acquaintance she used to speak so ill of.

I have no idea if she’s changed.  I’ve tried to speak with her and, while we’re cordial, I feel like she keeps me at a distance. Maybe it’s for the best.

I always say, with any relationship, you either grow together or grow apart. Why not grow together? Change is hard, no one will ever start to make a change until they want to. You can’t force someone to grow with you. You can only hope and wait. But how long should you wait? How long is too long? How can you be sure not to mix loyalty with a blind eye.

You want to believe in the good in people. That sometimes the people you’ve known the longest you think you know the best. And you talk yourself into staying in relationships because you hope that things will be different or that they’ll change.  But people won’t change until they want to; or until they find themselves in a situation in which they are forced to change.  When you find yourself outgrowing those friendships, exiting those relationships is probably for the best.

After I distanced myself from my former best friend, I found myself so much happier and lighter in spirit.  Her energy was almost draining at times when we were friends.  Every day brought a new problem, new criticism, or just drama.  Realizing that I had outgrown that friendship and finally standing up for myself gave me the courage to speak up more often.  I found myself establishing deeper and more meaningful connections with other friendships and new people.  I even made more friends!

Remember, as you grow as an individual, you will inevitably grow out of friendships. Just know that it is okay.


 

XOXO

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